Bittersweet Memories
by xh4z3L3y3sx
Summary: After Rory looses the most important person in the world to her, She completely falls apart. But, only one person will help her get through this tough time. Lit. Read and Review!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Hate and Love**

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**Disclaimer: I own nothing. sigh**

**A/N: Okay, I know that many people dont like the stories that have Lorelai dying in them. But, hopefully you will like this story. It is very dramatic, just warning you. Oh, and this _is _a Literati. Please give me your opinion on this, review! And I dont just want something like, good, or please continue. I want some of the things you really like, and the things you didn't like. Or, maybe ideas for future chapters. I may not use them, but I may. You never know, review!**

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Rory sat in the empty room staring at her desk. Everything seemed to get worse and worse by the second. Luke said to give it time and she will be okay. But, she wouldn?t be. And she knew it. The funny thing was... that she was completely happy that morning. She felt like nothing could get her down... but that was when she was alive. A small sob escaped her throat._

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Rory walked into the small diner with a huge smile on her face. She found her mom sitting on in front of Luke, on the counter. She was asking him for the whole menu, and he was telling her that it was too much food. _

_"Luke, there is no such thing as too much food." Lorelai insisted._

_"Yes there is. And I don't want you to throw up all over my counter." Luke mumbled._

_"Oh, so you're only worried about your counter? Not me, who could die from having too much food?" Lorelai asked, pretending to be hurt. Then, she saw her daughter was sitting next to her. "Daughter of mine! Where did you come from?"_

_"Umm, well, you told me that I came from the store. But, I'm starting to doubt that." Rory smiled. Luke rolled his eyes, then walked away. "Anyways, I have good news."_

_"Aww, man, I was hoping for great news." Lorelai sighed._

_"Okay, the news are great."_

_"But, really great is even better."_

_"Okay, really great."_

_"But..."_

_"Mom." Rory warned. Lorelai smiled, she had succeeded to annoy her daughter._

_"Alright, I will leave my witty comments until you finish your really great news." Lorelai stated. Rory smiled, then moved a little closer to her mom._

_"Okay, well, I got a call today."_

_"God?"_

_Rory looked at her with her death glare and Lorelai rolled her eyes. "Drum roll, please." Lorelai made a pretend drum roll on the counter. "I got offered a job!" Lorelai squealed and hugged her daughter tightly. "Are you happy?"_

_"Oh, yeah! You are great, hun. And you deserve this so much. You have no idea." Lorelai smiled. But, then realized something. "But, will you have to quit school?"_

_"Umm, no. I will take classes over the internet. They said that I'll be able to do my work, specially when I'm in Rome. The schedule is the lightest then..." Rory smiled, but Lorelai looked puzzled._

_"Rome? You're going to Rome?"_

_"Not just Rome, but Europe. They have different offices all over there."_

_"You're going to move to Europe?" Lorelai felt a huge weight on her shoulders. Rory nodded. "That's really far away... Rory, what about us? And what about Stars Hollow? And most importantly, what about me?"_

_"Mom, you've lived on your own before." Rory sighed. "Actually, your living on your own now. I'm just coming home for weekends."_

_"I don't like this, Rory!" Lorelai exclaimed. "You living in Europe? And what's all this about taking classes over the internet?"_

_"Hilary Duff takes classes over the internet for Harvard. And look at how smart she is..."_

_"Hilary Duff sings about rain." Lorelai yelled. "And besides, Hilary Duff is not Rory Gilmore. She doesn't have people that she needs to stay with. Rory, you're abandoning me, and you're abandoning this town!"_

_"You're overreacting, mother." Rory had called her mother. And Lorelai felt tears behind her eyes._

_"Alright, well, I'll call you later. I have to go somewhere to think this out. I can't be in here while you're like this." Lorelai cried. She ran outside of the diner. Rory just looked down at her coffee cup and sighed. She didn't know what to do._

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Rory felt her stomach tighten up. She suddenly felt nauseous. Rory ran into the bathroom, and threw up by the toilet. She just rested her head on the bath tub and let her cheeks and her eyes turn red. She felt flushed. Then, she silently sobbed until she couldn't see anything because the tears were in the way. She didn't get up, she just looked straight at the wall and could feel herself going mentally insane. 

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Rory barely opened her eyes. But, just by smelling where she was, she could tell that she was not home. If she still had a home. She didn't want to find out where she was. But, she heard some crash and she opened her eyes widely.

She found herself in Luke's apartment. What the hell was she doing there? And in Jess? old bed? It was softer than her bed, and the sheets smelled refreshingly clean. She saw that Luke was looking at her. "What's going on?" Rory mumbled.

"You fainted." Luke sighed. Rory gave him a little, 'Oh.' Luke frowned on her. "I found you in absolutely completely a mess." Rory gave him a shrug. "Look, Rory, we are all very upset about you're mom dying. But, you don't have to..."

"Stop!" Rory exclaimed. "Thanks for cleaning me up. I'm leaving." Rory stood up, and found herself in something that looked like sweat pants and some kind of old T- shirt.

"Bye." Rory tried to leave, but Luke stopped her.

"You're not going anywhere, Rory." Luke exclaimed. "You stay with me. You are not in good conditions. I'm not letting you fall off the face of the earth. You are sick, Rory. And in no condition to stay by yourself in that huge house."

"Luke, I'm not a little kid! I can take care of myself. Now let me go." Rory tried to get past him. But, Luke held her against her will.

"You can't go."

"Leave me be!"

Luke shook his head and picked her up, dragged her to the bed. "What are you doing?" She asked. Luke dropped her on the bed, and put the blankets on top of her.

"Rory, this is for your own good. You're mother would have wanted this."

"How do you know what my mother would have wanted? Huh? You don't know what she wanted for me!" Rory sobbed. "Leave me alone. I just want to get out of this freaking town. Away from you! And the diner! I hate her! She left me alone, she said that she would never leave me. But, she lied. Why did she lie to me? I thought she loved me? She told me that she would never leave me. Never." Rory sobbed. Luke cradled her in his arms. He hugged her tightly and she cried on to his shirt. "I hate her..." She kept on whispering over and over again. "I hate her for leaving me." Luke kissed her forehead and nodded.

"I'm right here, Ror. And I'm not going anywhere." Luke sighed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I dont own them.**

**A/N: Hey. Everyone who reviewed wanted more, so here it is. This isn't going to be like a long story. Maybe... idk, 7 chapters. Dont really have much to say, but enjoy the story, and tell me if you want more!**

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Rory found herself walking to the diner. When she entered there, she saw that everyone turned their attention to her. Ms. Patty came towards her. Rory looked at them, and they seemed different.

"Why, why did you have to go and kill Lorelai?" Ms. Patty accused her.

"I.. I didn't kill her. What are you talking about?" Rory asked, with a little guilt written on her face. Then, Taylor soon appeared in front of her, shaking his head.

"If you hadn't gotten in a fight with her she wouldn't have had to go out and take a drive. There for, she wouldn't have been in that accident and died. You know what we're talking about." Taylor snarled. "Young lady, you should be ashamed of yourself."

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to do anything." Rory felt tears run down her cheeks. Then, Kirk appeared, with a picture of Lorelai in his hands.

"How do you like this picture to put on the tombstone?" Kirk asked.

"You shouldn't even let her come! She _was _the murderer!" Andrew exclaimed from a little corner. Then, Luke suddenly walked right in front of her. She started to pant.

"The only reason why I'm letting you stay is because I feel sorry for you." Luke stated. "If you weren't in these conditions, I would have let you to rot on the bathroom floor. I wouldn't have cared! Because you killed the most important person in the world to me!"

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." Rory sobbed. Then, suddenly, Lorelai appeared in front of her. She was ghostly white, and she had a white dress on.

"I hate you." She whispered. "I am dead because of you. What were you thinking?" Rory cried and fell on her knees. "Right. Now you cry. After I'm dead..."

"Mhhmm." Emily appeared next to Lorelai. "I knew it from the second I saw her. She was going to end up a failure." She then suddenly looked at Lorelai. "Buy a new dress. That one looks horrible on you."

"Mom, I'm dead. I can't." Lorelai rolled her eyes.

"Always with the excuses." Emily sighed.

"Mom, please, I beg you. Forgive me." Rory walked over to her, but she went right through her. "Please! Please!" Then, slowly, Lorelai faded away. "No, no, no! Please! Don't go! I love you, mom! I didn't mean what I told Luke. Please... come back!"

Rory opened her eyes. She was panting, and sweaty. She sighed, and looked around. _'It was just a dream.' _She thought to herself. It was morning. She saw that on the alarm clock said, 5: 02 A.M. The dream kept replaying in her mind. Until, Luke barged through the door.

"Rory. Are you okay?" Luke asked, as he walked over to her bed. "I heard you screaming."

"Bad dream." She simply mumbled, and turned around in her bed. She didn't want to see anyone.

"Oh." He sighed. "Look, I can make you pancakes if you come downstairs. Everyone is asking about you." Luke looked at her hopefully. "They are worried, Rory. And so am I. I bet you will feel better after you eat. Or talk to someone."

"I'll feel better when my fucking mother isn't dead." Rory exclaimed. She still remained with her back to him. Luke had never heard her swear before. It was the first time. And he hated hearing it. Specially that horrible sentence. He knew she was hurting, badly. But, he needed her to get out of bed and at least come down stairs. She didn't have to talk to people. But, she could at least eat something, before she becomes so damn skinny that he would have to take her to a hospital or something. And the day he would have to take Rory Gilmore to the hospital for a mental illness, or because she was too skinny would be the worst day of his life.

Luke sighed, then went downstairs. As soon as he did, Babette and Ms. Patty ran up to him.

"How is she?" Babette asked. "I bet she's horrible. Is she horrible? I hope she's not horrible. Lorelai would have hated it if she was horrible. She would have wanted her to move on, and be happy." She sighed. "I bet she would have made one of her funny jokes too..."

"Could you _please _stop talking about Lorelai?" Luke exclaimed. He hurt inside thinking that she could have been there right now. Drinking coffee and giving him fashion advice. Then, his mind went back to the diner. "Rory is taking it badly. Everyone knew she would. So, how about you drop this, and leave it alone? It's a sore subject... for everyone. And it will not be discussed in this diner." Luke sighed. They both nodded and shrugged. At that same second, Luke decided something. "We're closed! Everybody out! Now!" He couldn't have people running around asking him questions about Lorelai and things about Rory.

Just then, Sookie came through the door. He smiled at her, and motioned for her to sit down.

"I thought that you were closing." Sookie asked. But, sat anyway.

"Yeah. But, I need some company. And Rory doesn't want to speak to me. Or anyone." Soon, everyone was out of the diner but him and Sookie. They sat there in silence.

"I know you're going to hate this question. But... we have to plan this funeral thing. Do you want me to do it?" Sookie asked.

"No. We were engaged. I want to help as much as I can." Luke sighed. "And it's okay for us to talk about it, Sook. She was you're best friend. And my wife- to be. So, feel free to talk about it."

"Alright. Well, I just finished reading everything she asked for. You know, in the papers she left for us. And... she left a list of people that she wanted to be there." Sookie handed him the list.

"Me. You. Jackson. Michel. Rory. And..." Luke stopped when he saw the name. "Jess."

"Jess?" Sookie asked in disbelief.

"Yeah." Luke sighed. "She didn't want anyone else to come to her funeral. She doesn't want there to be a big thing about it." Luke said. "She left a note also. Well, a note for everyone to read. Everyone, as in everyone that is going to the funeral. But, she left separate notes for each and every town person."

"How many letters are there?" Sookie asked.

"287." Luke sighed. "Leave it up to Lorelai to leave a letter to everyone she knows." Sookie smiled. Luke took the letter that was addressed to him.

_Dear Luke,_

_I have re-written this letter every year since the day I met you. Because our relationship has changed so much over the years. I know that right now I miss you. And don't doubt that. Never for one second doubt that. Because if you do, I will know. I have also written this letter to tell you that if you're still wearing the backwards baseball hat, that it is out of style. That flannel shirt also. I bet your smiling right now. Good. That's good. I love it when you smile. Even if I'm in heaven. I have my Luke picture screen on 24/7. So, if you do something dirty, or say something dirty. I will still yell "dirty!" I have many things to tell you. The first thing is... I love you. So much, you have no idea. And I want to tell you that right now. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Never, ever, forget that. But, I want you to move on. As painful as it is to say this. You have to move on. I don't want you to be alone just because I'm not there anymore. Find someone. Love her. Please. I know it's scary that I'm not going to be there so you can lecture to me about coffee being bad. I know that you wish I could be there right now so you can serve me coffee. But... you can still serve me coffee. Serve me coffee every day in the morning. I'll be drinking it... here... where ever I am. Set it down on the counter. And let me drink it. Because even though I'm dead, I still need caffeine. Another thing is... Take care of Rory. Never let her fall apart. That is the favor I want to ask you. Be her dad. She needs someone. And I want to ask you to call Jess. I know that sounds weird. But, please, call him. He is the only one that can help get Rory through this. I know that. And I love him. Please tell him that. Because... he is so wonderful to Rory. And tell him he has a place in my heart. And tell Rory she has half of my heart. Have a party! I know that was random. But please! Have a party in my honor. Not to grief. Just because I am a wonderful woman! And tell everyone that I say hi! And that they have to wear something colorful to my party. I don't want to end this letter, because there is so much more that I need to tell you. But, know that I love you. And that I am crying right now. But, I'm happy. I had a great life. That's all that matters. Luke. Please don't forget me. I love you with all my heart. _

_P.S. Tell me you love me every night. I need to hear it. And I will hear it. Don't worry. I'm saying it back. Also, I want to be buried with my engagement ring. To me, we're still engaged. And I don't regret it at all. I wish we could have gotten married, but, I'm happy that we got where we got._

_So much love,_

_Your mysterious coffee woman_

_A.K.A, Lorelai_

Luke finished the letter. He folded it in half and put it in his pocket. He had wanted to cry right there and then. But, after all that Lorelai told him. He didn't want to let her down. At the same time, Sookie had been reading her letter. She was obviously crying. And blubbering. That reminded her of the day of Rory's graduation. They were all crying, and happy. But, now, everything was screwed up. And even if Lorelai wasn't there. She knew it.

"Oh my gosh, Luke." Sookie sobbed. She put her letter down. "She was such a great person. You were lucky to have her."

"I am lucky to have her. I still have her, Sookie. I haven't lost her yet." Luke smiled. And he could tell that Lorelai listened to this and smiled also. "Sookie, you should get home. Jackson is probably worried about you." Sookie nodded and then headed out, taking her letter with her.

As soon as she left, he reached for the phone and dialed Jess' number.

"Hello?" Jess answered.

"Jess." Luke simply said.

"Hey." Jess smiled. He was happy to hear from him. "You hardly ever call. What's up?"

"Umm, I kinda have some news..." Luke drifted off.

"I know that you and Lorelai are getting married." Jess smiled. Luke hurt inside to hear her name. "I was going to call her today to congratulate her. She would have probably called me and demanded that I come and be you're best man, anyways.If I hadn't, I mean."

"Yeah. She probably would..." Luke sighed. "Jess, you can't call her. Or talk to her ever again."

"What? Are you banning me from seeing her and talking to her or something?" Jess asked. "My god."

"No, I'm not." Luke stated. "It's just... it would be physically impossible for you to talk to her. Even if I did let you."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Lorelai's dead. She died in a car crash a few days ago." Luke hated saying this. But, it was the truth.

"I'll be right there." Jess whispered. Luke heard a dial tone.

'_How did he know that he needed to come? I never even told him that Rory was bad, or anything. Wow, that kid surprises me sometimes.'_ Luke thought. He waited patiently for Jess to arrive.

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Luke sat at the small table. Watching TV. He left the apartment to Rory, because the last time he went up there, she was sobbing, and yelling at something. Or maybe at her mom. All he knew is that she was getting worse. Then, he saw Jess enter the diner. He looked frantic. His car wasn't even parked right. It looked tilted.

"I got here as fast as I could." Jess exclaimed.

"How did you know?"

"Look, I have no time for chit chat." Jess stated. "Where is she? At her house? Knowing you, you probably kidnapped her from her own home." Luke rolled his eyes, then nodded.

"She's upstairs. But, I don't think she wants to talk to anyone."

"Anyone. But I'm not anyone. I'm special." He smirked, and ran upstairs.

"Of course you are." Luke mumbled under his breathe, as Jess was already half way up the stairs.

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Jess knocked on the door to Luke's apartment. He heard not even a grunt. So, he entered by himself. As soon as he walked in. He saw a complete mess. There was a plate smashed on the floor. And Rory was curled up in a ball on the bed.

She saw him and sat up. Her face was completely red, and he eyes looked big and puffy. He ran over to her and immediately hugged her. She rested her head on his shoulder and continued to cry.

"I miss her." She whispered between sobs.

"I know." Jess cooed. He hugged her tighter, kissing her shoulder blade every ten seconds. Rory got tired quickly. Tears still staining her porcelain face. She quickly let go of him and moved back, so her head was resting on the pillow. He had his hands on either side of her body. Almost to place her there. He slowly pushed strands of hair out of her eyes and just didn't smile. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't. She was in such pain that she closed her eyes. And let little sobs escape her throat.

"Stay." She whispered. And with that one word, he felt his universe shatter down. "Please. Don't leave." She cried.

"Stop. I'm not going anywhere." Jess laid down next to her. And let her slip into his arms. They had no covers on, because their body warmth was enough for them. "I promise." She let a little cry out. And he squeezed her tightly.

**A/N: There wasn't as much Jess as I would have wanted for this chapter, but don't worry, this _is _a Literati. So, dont worry, there will me much more Jess to come! Oh, and dont worry, there will be a happy ending. So, dont worry about being depressed after reading this story. lol. Even though I nearly cried writing this. Please, please, please review! If I dont get enough reviews I won't continue. I dont like writing things just for the sake of writing things.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls. So, dont sue me.**

**A/N: Wow, I'm glad that people liked the last chapter. I wasn't going to continue this story... But, then all of you guys reviewed and it made my day: ) Anyways, thanks for all you're kind words. Oh, yeah, I forgot to say when this takes place. A lot of you asked me. Well, this takesplace pretty much after Rory and Lorelai reconsile. Except, Rory has not gone back to Yaleyet.**

**So, basically, the 6th season. Now.I think that's all I have to say. Oh, and all the questions that you have will be answered through the story. Dont worry. You won't be likeclueless. Anyways, it'slate and I dont want to make thisAuthor's Note anylonger. Just please review,it really makes me happy.And when I'm happy that means that the story will continue! So, make me happy!**

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Jess woke up the next morning. He still found Rory laying on his chest, her porcelain face stained with tears. He sighed and kissed her forehead. It was going to be a long day. Gently, he placed her beside him and went to get ready for the day, he would check on her later.

When he exited the bathroom, she was still sleeping, but in a different position. He hated seeing her like this, and hopefully he can fix her before she got too broken. Jess made his way down to the diner. Luke was pouring coffee into a cup and setting it on the counter, but no one was there.

"What are ya doing, Uncle Luke?" Jess asked with a light smirk.

"Nothing. Go, work, please." Luke mumbled. Jess knew that he would drop the subject there, he wouldn't want him to get upset. Jess nodded and went to the nearest table, which was Kirk.

"Hello Kirk. What do you want today?" He sighed.

"Well, first, I have been dying to know how Rory is. We haven't seen her around since..." Kirk started.

"Rory is in bed. She decided to sleep late." Jess interrupted him.

"Why wasn't she around town, and at the town meeting?"

"Because... Rory isn't feeling too well." Jess stated. "Now what do you want? I don't have all day."

"Why are you back in town?"

"Wow, you're just full of questions today." He sighed.

"Are you and Rory back together? Is it for Lorelai's funeral? I heard that everyone was invited but me. Is that true?"

"Stop it, Kirk!" Jess exclaimed. "I do not know any of these answers, and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you. Now tell me what you want before I kick you out!"

"Man, why are you so bossy?" Kirk sighed. "I will have a danish, and two cups of coffee."

"Be right back." Jess muttered. The rest of the morning was spent the same way. Everyone asking him questions every five minutes. With Luke it was even worse, but Jess and Rory were the town gossip because they hadn't been seen together since they were in High School. Even though they had seen each other many times after that. He sighed, then remembered that he had to check on Rory. "Luke, I'm gonna check on Rory. Make sure she's okay."

"Okay. Take the rest of the day off, I'm thinking of closing early anyways." Luke sighed.

"Thanks." Jess offered him a small smile. "Everything will be okay."

"Yeah." Luke smiled back. "Go." He motioned for Jess to go upstairs and he nodded.

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"Rory." Jess sighed when he entered the apartment. She was still laying on the bed, new tears coming down her cheeks, but she quickly wiped them away. "What's wrong?" He breathed, sitting down next to her.

"Nothing." She whispered quietly.

"When I left you, you were asleep and now you're crying. It's not healthy. Sleep. Cry. That's all you do. I haven't even seen you go to the bathroom yet. And that can't be good." Jess rested his hand on her hand.

"I did. You just missed it." Rory stated. He gave her hand a tight squeeze. "I haven't had coffee in four days. I haven't showered in three. And I think that I need to take a shower urgently." She sighed. "And then there's all this other stuff I have to take care of. Mom's funeral. I have to look at what she wanted. And all the lists she probably left." She started crying. "And.. Oh my god. What about the Inn? Do we sell it? Or.. Did she leave it to someone? And Yale. I have to go back to Yale. I can't miss classes. And I have to cry. Now. When I go back to Yale I have to deal with Paris. I can't cry in front of Paris. I have to catch up. Oh my god..."

"Hey, hey, stop it. You're head is going to explode. Which doesn't sound that appealing to me." Jess smiled. "Ror, you can put of Yale for a little while. Like, maybe take a couple of weeks off. I'll help you catch up. I promise."

"Oh no." Rory exclaimed. "I got offered a job. Europe. I can't go... and..."

"Rory." He interrupted her. "Let's take one step at a time. How about we get you cleaned up?" Rory sighed.

"I can't." She sighed. "I'm not ready to deal with everyone. I don't think I can even get out of bed yet. I'm just... not ready. I can't even walk anymore. I feel so weak."

"I'll carry you."

"What?"

"I'll carry you." Jess repeated. "I can make up the bath tub. You can take a nice warm bath. I'll help you to the bathroom. Anything you want. Just please get out of bed. I can't stand to see you like this."

"Okay." She whispered.

"Okay." Jess echoed. He smiled a small smile, then lifted her up in the air. She shrieked, it was by surprise. He smirked, her still in his grasp. "Told ya I'd carry you."

"So nice. Now lead the way to the bathroom." She said shifting in his arms.

"Don't move, you're gonna make me drop you." Jess smiled. "And that would be bad." He carried her into the bathroom, and set her at the foot of the toilet. (Of course with the toilet seat closed. Yuck! LOL.) She smiled a soft smile as he turned on the water, then sat next to her. "So, how did you like you're ride on the Mariano Express?"

"It was a very smooth ride." Rory smiled.

"Good." Jess stated. After a few minutes the water already filled the bath tub and he turned the facet. "Go ahead. It's nice and warm." Rory laughed.

"I kinda... still have clothes on.." Rory stated.

"Right. Well..."

"Help me. Please." She said, struggling with her shirt. He looked nervous, but she gave him a reassuring smile. He nodded, then lifted her shirt. It had a pink bra under, and he smirked. "Don't ask. Mom bought it for my 18th birthday, thought I needed to look _sexy."_

"And pale pink is sexy?" He laughed.

"Sure. For mom it is." Rory dropped her head in the mention of her mom. "Was. For mom it was." Jess could tell it was a sore subject. "Okay. Well, let me just take off my pants and I'll be in business."

"Okay. I'll just leave you then." Jess smiled.

"Stay. Keep me company. Please." Rory stuck out her bottom lip. He rolled his eyes then nodded. She slowly took off her remaining clothes. Now she was naked, and Jess was in the same room. He felt his heart stop for a second. "Don't stare." She smiled. Jess looked embarrassed, then looked down. "I was kidding." She laughed.

"Okay." Jess smirked, then lifted her head. "Look, Rory, you're naked, and I'm in here. I don't think this is supposed to happen. I mean, I don't think it should. Because... we're friends, right?"

"Yeah. Jess, we're friends, but we kinda have a history that can not be ignored. Even though I can't be involved with anyone right now. I need you here. With me." Rory sighed. "I mean, if you're uncomfortable, you can go. It's okay."

"Never." He smiled, and kissed her just below her jaw line. She almost moaned, but caught herself. "Go take a bath before this goes any farther." She nodded, then sighed.

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"I don't understand you." Rory laughed.

"Just because I think of Hemingway as a good author does not mean that I am crazy, and I do not need help." Jess rolled his eyes. "You have not given him a chance... so, you can't say anything. It's wrong."

"I did give him a chance, right after you left..." Rory drifted off with a sigh.

"Rory-," Jess started. At that same time Luke bursted through the door. Jess rolled his eyes, way to spoil the moment. But, Luke looked kind of worried, so Rory moved slightly away from Jess and looked at Luke, pleading him for an answer.

"Was I interrupting anything?" Luke asked, in an awkward situation.

"Yes." Jess replied.

"No." Rory rolled her eyes. "Was there a reason for you're great and graceful entrance?"

"Umm, you're grandmother is downstairs." Luke mumbled.

"What?" She asked.

"Emily is downstairs. She asked to speak to you, and she wouldn't take no for an answer. So, I came up here to get you... So you can talk to her. Downstairs. Away from the bed." Luke sighed.

"No. I can't. I'm not going. I just got myself together. I don't want to have to start all over." Rory shrugged. "I'm not in the emotional stage to be dealing with my grandmother. Not yet."

"Rory, I think it might be good to see her. Talk to her. She _is _you're relative, and you're grandmother. You can't completely shut her out." Jess tried to convince her. "Besides, if you don't go down there, she will probably come up here. And you don't want that. Do you?"

"I guess not." Rory muttered.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Rory exhaled as she made her way down the stairs. She found her grandmother at the bottom of the stairs, clutching her purse tightly. She raised her eyebrows at Jess who was close behind her.

"Hello Grandma." Rory mumbled.

"Hello Rory. I am sorry for you're loss." Emily sighed. Rory could feel herself getting mad. Jess could notice this too, but he kept his mouth shut. In times like these, you don't say anything until you are spoken to. That is always best, specially if you are dealing with the Gilmores.

"My loss?" Rory exclaimed. "My loss? It isn't _my_ loss. It is everyone's loss. It's Luke's loss, Jess' loss, the town's loss, the guy with the weird last name's loss, Kirk's loss, and most importantly you're loss."

"I understand that, Rory. It is my loss." Emily agreed.

"Well, then, why aren't you acting like it? What were you doing after they told you the news, throwing a party? I bet you were. But, that's okay. You can be cold, and mean. When mom loved you, and cared for you, even if she never admitted it to you herself. But, she did. And here you are, treating her like crap. She doesn't deserve that. Not from you, and not from anyone else." She huffed.

"Rory, you have no idea what you are talking about here..."

"I do! I have an idea! She was my mother for Christ's sake! I know what I'm talking about... and you are acting like nothing happened and you're here to reel me back into Friday night dinners. Well, guess what? Dad is paying for it! So, just leave me alone."

"Rory!" Emily exclaimed. "Enough of that, young lady. You are obviously upset, but that does not mean that you have the right to take that out on other people. I do care. Of course I care, but I am trying to be strong. She was my daughter, I loved her also. Just because I do not start crying in public means nothing." Rory exhaled. "And by the way, I did not come here to ask you for Friday night dinners back. I'm glad that I know what you finally think about me... well, I can not talk about this more. Goodnight, Rory. Goodnight, Luke. And, umm, you're name young man?"

"Jess, Mrs. Gilmore." Jess whispered.

"Well, goodnight, Jess." Emily sighed. "Have a good night of sleep." She walked out of the diner, almost slamming the door behind her. Jess looked into Rory's eyes, he saw that she was feeling pain.

"Rory–," Jess started.

"I'm going out for a walk." Rory whispered, her voice cracking. "Don't wait up." She walked out of the diner also. She had no coat on, and it was freezing outside, but it didn't matter to her. Once she had left, Jess and Luke looked at each other and sighed. Luke walked over to the nearest table, and sat in it.

"Man, that was one big blow up." Luke muttered.

"She does not need this right now. I just got her to be kind of happy again, and now she is completely depressed again." Jess sighed. "Wow, caring for a Gilmore is hard."

"Yeah. It is." Luke whispered. Then, turned his attention to Jess. "What were you doing up there when I came in?"

"Talking." Jess replied quickly.

"Right... you and Rory have never just... talked."

"Sure we have. We just don't like to get heavy in conversation in front of you, Uncle Luke. We like to get in make out mode so we can make you super uncomfortable." Jess smirked. "Besides, I haven't kissed Rory in like three years."

"Are you sure?"

"I think I'd remember if I had kissed her before now."

"So... you guys aren't together?"

"Nope. I don't think so... nope. We're not."

"Good."

"Why, good?"

"Because... Rory is totally unstable right now. She doesn't need you breaking her heart right now. I think I would really despise you if you did though."

"I wouldn't."

"You wouldn't be able to help it. You would just do it. Because you have done it before. It's like just something that you can't help doing." Luke sighed. "Besides, with Lorelai gone and everything, she's not exactly the most jolliest person ever."

"Neither are you."

Luke rolled his eyes. "Just.. Stay away from her... romantically. She needs a shoulder to cry on, and that's it. So, give her a shoulder, then split." Jess sighed.

"I'm gonna go find her. She doesn't have a coat on, and it's dark. And cold. I don't think it's the best idea for her to be out there alone. I don't exactly like the idea." Jess stated, standing up.

"Go. Find her. We'll talk later." Luke sighed.

"We won't. But, that's okay." Jess smirked, then was out the door. He walked around aimlessly for a while. He knew where he was going from the beginning, but didn't want to make Rory more upset than she had to be. Because, she was already upset, and a Gilmore who is mad, can do very surprising things. He felt cold, but didn't do anything about it. He just held Rory's coat, and walked towards the old bridge. Of course, he found her sitting there, with a book in her hands. Jess sat next to her, looking down. "I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now, I just brought you you're coat."

He stood up, and reached out his hand that had her coat. Instead of taking the coat, she took his hand and pulled him down beside her. This surprised him, he thought that she wouldn't want anyone there with her.

"Thanks for the coat." Rory smiled. Jess nodded, and put her coat around her shoulders. "I was cold."

"I thought you would freeze you're ass off if I didn't bring it to you."

"Well, consider my ass saved." Rory smirked.

"Good." He sighed. "Listen, Rory, about the first time that I left you... I'm sorry. I was being so immature. I didn't want you to pressure you to do anything, yet I did. And that was so wrong of me. Because, you shouldn't have to be forced into doing anything, specially there, where we were."

"Why did you leave?" She asked simply.

"Lots of reasons. Long story."

"Bullshit. Tell me the truth."

"Rory."

"I don't want you to lie to me. I don't want you're pity. I want you to tell me the truth. Because I deserve that. After everything that happened between us, I deserve to know."

"You do." Jess whispered. "I was failing. I would have failed High School. And would have had to taken my grade over again. Luke kicked me out. I was being stubborn. My dad had come to visit. I was fucked up. I was having problems with my girlfriend. Everyone hated me. So, I went to California to 'get to know' my dad. I mean, we're on better terms. But, it was a mistake."

Jess exhaled.

"And the second time I came to see you. When I... told you that I loved you... I just want to let you know. I meant it. And I still mean it." Jess sighed.

"Huh." Rory smirked.

"Hey, that's my line. My word." Jess smirked equally. Rory turned her head, so their heads were dangerously close. She leaned foward and pressed her lips against his'. It was like no time had gone by, they were still in High School. His lips felt exactly like she left them. He put his hand on the back of her neck and pulled her closer. Rory intensified the kiss by slipping her tongue in his mouth. The kiss became more heated and heated, but there was a figure that came towards them. And they stopped mid-kiss.

"Come on. Both of you. Home." Luke said sternly.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls, or the song Healing Hands…so, don't sue me.

A/N: Wow. I have FINALLY updated this…I can't even express how sorry I am. But, I feel accomplished. Lol. I hope you guys aren't too mad at me. Well, this is close to the end, cause even from the beginning, I promised myself that it wasn't going to be long. Anyways, this chapter is ALL Literati stuff, YAY. Lol. So, will that make up for me not updating? Well, it's a start.

Anyways, Review please!

- - - -

"Are you going to go all freaky on me?" Rory looked up innocently, as Jess walked into the room. Her nose was still red from the outside coldness, and Jess had only taken a small amount of time to get yelled at by Luke. They were back at the apartment, and Luke had told her to go upstairs while he spoke to Jess about 'some things.' But, now that he was back, she suddenly felt an urge to repeat what they had done on the bridge.

Jess sighed, walking into the little kitchen, and after taking two beers out, he kicked it shut. "Freaky? No. So freaking mad at Luke? Yes." He took a swing of his beer, and handed Rory the other one.

Rory took a hold of the drink by the napkin wrapped around it and examined it closely before taking a huge gulp. "How is doing this going to help our situation?"

"It won't. But, it'll go away for a second."

"A second isn't a very long time." Rory said logically, setting her beer down and then looking up at Jess. "We kissed."

Silence.

"We did kiss right, it wasn't my hallucination?" She repeated.

"It wasn't. We kissed."

"Okay, you don't sound thrilled."

Jess took a sip of his beer, and sighed. "Well, Luke's mad. I told him that I wouldn't kiss you or anything, I promised that everything with us would stay friendly."

"Well, it's not like we can help this kind of thing."

He didn't even look at her. "Rory, do you have any idea what it felt like when you kissed me for the first time in so much time? It was like, boom, everything just came rushing back. But, the thing was, when I kissed you, you obviously didn't feel the same thing. You wanted to get rid of all that emotion--,"

"So, I kissed you?" Rory looked at him like he was crazy. "I kissed you because I wanted to, not because I was sad…or I don't know. What are you trying to do here?"

"You were angry, so you kissed me, it was like you were using me for something other than because you felt anything. And, I have no problem with that. I know your going through something and you need to get all of that stuff your feeling out."

Rory picked up her beer, and started taking big gulps from it. "I don't know. I don't know why I do anything I do anymore. It doesn't make sense to me either, it's like someone else is deciding whether I should do something or not." She bit her lip hard. "Like right now, part of me wants to just break down and die, and the other part of me wants to kiss you hard and just not stop."

His heart missed a leap and he let his hands hang loose. "Where do you want to go?"

"No, it isn't right. At all. We'd be doing this for the wrong reasons, it wouldn't be fair to you."

"Rory, don't worry about me, I'm trying to care about you. Luke is trying the kid Rory approach, and it's not working. But, maybe I can let adult Rory loose and she can get some of that sourness out of her system." He nodded, "Now, what does adult Rory want to do?"

She felt a big knot in the back of her throat. "Can we go to the bridge again? It may be cold, but I like it better there."

Luke wasn't down in the diner when they got there, but they hardly cared. They rushed out of there, he was pulling her numbly along, and when they got to the bridge; they both just stared down at their sacred place. He took off his coat and placed it down in the middle, she looked at him with melancholy in her eyes.

_Tonight I cried the tears of a child _

_Who knows what fear runs deep and wild _

_Inside _

_But the river's in flood tonight_

Their skin connected, and her body fit in his, it was so perfect that they were afraid that if they pulled away their sacred connection might break. His arms were around her, but she didn't feel safe. And it was like if he couldn't do it for her, who could.

_I lay down and the light streamed across my face _

_I felt the beauty of some deeper grace _

_And I tried _

_To find my way to the other side_

Her tears shined in the night, and the stars were the only light that guided them that night. Her porcelain skin and touch drove him out of his mind. Her hands were careful, and shaky, while his were rough and giving her the closure.

_I feel your skin as smooth as silk _

_Drunk like a baby on his mama's milk _

_Take me down under the wishing tree _

_Lay your healing hands on me_

The swans that were lurking by were their witness, and when the wind blew by, they felt as if they weren't alone. And that might have scared Rory more than anything she had ever experienced. They were graceful, and it was like their movements spoke for themselves, and these words were the most honest words that had come out of their mouths yet. Because everything was based on a lie, it was for them, and that was what kept them going, they were together and it wasn't a lie.

_Been a long time riding this deserted train _

_There's no messiahs out here, baby _

_But I found the Holy Grail all right _

_'Cause I'm lying in your arms tonight_

She was his' for a night, and he was her's.

_I feel your skin as smooth as silk _

_Drunk like a baby on his mama's milk _

_Take me down under the wishing tree _

_Lay your healing hands on me_

_Lay your healing hands on me_


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Don't own Gilmore Girls.

A/N: And here is an update. Not a lot of people reviewed for the last chapter, but that's okay. I don't really mind because I love this story. And it may not be my best, but there are some moments that just make me happy to be alive and to be who I am.

This is the end of this tale. I knew it wasn't going to be long from when I started, but I'm still sad. I hope you like the last chapter and I hope that for whom liked the Lorelai/Luke letter will like the ending.

Thank you for everyone who has been reading the whole way. I really enjoyed writing this.

'Bye for now.

xh4z3L3y3sx

--

"We're here in loving memory of Lorelai Gilmore. We have gathered all of her close relatives and loved friends for this gathering to mourn her death," Reverend Skinner spoke carefully, as if searching the room to see if he had upset anyone. But everyone secretly knew that his purpose was to make everyone cry.

Rory lurked in the back of the church, her eyes stinging. She wouldn't let herself cry. Not that she cared what anyone said, but she didn't think that Lorelai would like to see her cry. She pursed her lips together, playing with her sleeves.

"Does anyone want to say something about our dear friend?"

About a thousand hands went up and she guessed that since Luke was sitting in the front, he got to go up. When he got up to the podium, she could see that he was throwing worried glances her way.

Luke cleared his throat, looking down. "It's hard to stand up here and give a speech about Lorelai Gilmore when I don't even think that it's gotten through my mind that she's gone. And, maybe it's because I love her so much, and that I feel guilty for not expressing it. I hope she knew," He swallowed hard.

Rory's hands went to her hair as she felt like this was only going to end badly. She let out a whimper before running out the doors of the church. Luckily, only a few heads turned and gave her an apologetic look and only one boy came after her.

"Rory!"

Faster. Run faster. She did, as her mind was her energy.

But, as he was a guy, he could out run her. When he caught up with her, she didn't even slow down, even when he threw himself in front of her. "Move." Her voice cracked under the pressure and he only put his strong hands on her shoulders, making it hard for her to move.

"Do you really want to run away from your mother's funeral? Do you think she would have wanted you to do that?" Jess questioned her, holding her in place, as she lifted her hands to her face, as if covering herself up in shame.

Her voice sounded way too low and sad for him to just stand there. "I—I can't handle this. I just want to run away and never come back. I want to go and find my mom again and hug her. Because she was the one who could hug me, I don't want you. You can't replace her."

Jess furrowed a brow. "I'm not trying to, Rory. You're acting insane."

"It doesn't feel like acting," She looked up at him, her hair sticking to her face by tears. "Now, get out of my way so I can go."

Jess walked by her as she paced through the town, letting out small cries every now and then. "Don't you want to make a speech for your mom? She would have wanted you to do better than run away."

She folded her arms over her chest as if it were colder than it already was. "You have no idea what I am feeling. You can't tell me that I'm disrespecting my mom by not staying in a stiff place that only brought me pain."

"You know, it's usually me who's running away."

Her pace didn't slow down as she walked through the sidewalk, and he knew where she was heading. "Then you can start again because I don't need you to be the guy on the white horse who saves me. You can go back to being the screw-up and the boy who breaks my heart over and over again. I don't need you to give me special treatment."

"You honestly think I wanted to break your heart?"

"You did, though."

When they reached Rory's old house, she was already slowing down, her tears thickening in every step she took. Finally, when they got to the porch, she practically fell down onto the small stairs. He sat down next to her and watched her cry.

He shook his head, "Rory."

"I'm a mess, I know. But, right now all I can do is this. I'm helpless."

Jess sighed, rubbing her arm tenderly as he took the chance to take a small envelope out of his pocket. "It might make it worse, but you need to have this. Luke told me not to give it to you, but your mom…she wanted you to have it."

She didn't respond as he placed the envelope on her lap. "Read it."

"I don't want to," Rory stretched out the bottom of her long sleeve and ran it against her eyes. She looked into his eyes and bit her lip. "What I said was true. You should go, you have a life in Philadelphia and I can't keep you from it. I'll thank you when I'm happier and when I can kiss you and not cry in your face."

He shrugged, leaning in, brushing his lips against her's. "It does get better. It has to. I don't want you to be sad. Lorelai loved you and she would hate herself for tearing you apart."

She placed her hand on his cheek and gave him a sad look. "I wish I could tell you I love you. But, right now, it's all about hating the world for taking people away from me. It's not fair, Jess. Because the list includes you."

"Read it," He repeated. "I won't be gone when you come back to Luke's. So, do come back."

Jess stood up and backed away from the Gilmore house, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Her eyes didn't follow him like they usually did, as they were busy looking at the letter on her lap. She opened the envelope slowly, like if it was the most delicate thing in the world.

_Honey._

_My fragile little flower that I love so much. Do you remember the time when I told you not to let anything get you down? Not to let anything bother you or make you sad? And it was true. Because whatever it would have it been, or could be, it wouldn't be worth it because your too good for that. Every day I look at you, I know that. I know that I don't deserve so much happiness with the coolest girly girl in the world. You are my angel and my everything. And the thought of me going anywhere and leaving you alone in the world, it frightens me so much. Because I need you so much. It's like you're the air I breathe, you are such a big part of my life that I don't know where I end and you begin. And, you know, as a naïve girl when I was sixteen, I always believed in soul mates. And now that I am a grown woman, I haven't found him yet. I don't think I ever will. That's because I always thought that soul mates had to be a guy that would sweep me off my feet and know every single thing about me. And when I found out that that wasn't it, it was incredible because it was something more. You are my soul mate, my darling. You are my light and my darkness, you know everything about me from top to bottom and my love for you is so great that if I even thought for a moment that I wouldn't be there to guide you through this horrible thing called life, it made me mad at myself. There's only one mother. And I tried with all my might to be that great person for you, that you could look up to and that you could admire. Maybe I wasn't the best, but I tried harder than anyone in the world. I want to give you a good life. Even if I'm gone, I want you to love and live like no other. I want you to give someone your heart and wait for it to be crushed over and over again. There's nothing more that I want than for you to be happy. So, follow that part of your heart that holds your laughs and smiles. My baby. Forever I will think of you like that. Thank you for giving me the best years of my life. I LOVE you. So much, babe. It never ends. I'm not going to tell you not to be sad, because sadness is a part of life, so, let it wash over you but then remember that you can fight it over. My life was good. Oh, honey, you were so worth it. I won't let you forget it. I want you to know that just because the letter ends doesn't mean that I go with it. I'm here…and I send you a kiss._

_Lorelai Leigh Gilmore, be good._

_Signed with love, _

_Lorelai Victoria Gilmore_

_P.S. Don't stop believing._

She looked at the paper in front of her hands, wet spots all over it from her tears. She held it close to her heart, as if this would bring her closer to this wonderful woman. Maybe she could be as bitter as the next person, but she wasn't ready to give up on her mother or life.


End file.
